WheneverWhereverWhatever

lead me on if you must

take my heart, my love

take of me all that you want...

those soft, smooth Maxwell tones ooze out so safely. barely over a whisper, yet they vibrate into my system like some overobsessed fan screaming them at me through a megaphone. take. of. me. all. that. you. want. simple alone, though together make one of the most powerful statements known to man. in relationships this give-and-take message has been subscribed for many eras. even in small animal interactions like when the sea horse father carries the baby sea horse eggs or even when a octopus is pregnant, the mom doesnt eat for 6months so she can give all she's got to the eggs, which ultimately leads to her death. in advice situations one gives and one takes. it seems it can only be either or. yet Maxwell speaks of it like he wants whomever to take it all freely. its the most vulnerable a person can be but its also the strongest they can be. to look someone in the eye, not knowing exactly whats up there in theyre side of the brain, and let them know that they can have all of you from the hair on your head, blood that you bleed to the very air that you breathe. like all the world is in that person, and the world wants and feigns for you, so you give your everything to the world no holding back. that speaks volumes to me. i think that when people reach that giving point, instead of always being on the receiving end, the ratio of give-to-take can start to even out a lot.

mid-morning thoughts...dun.

disCONNECTion

be proactive. Be proactive. BE PROactive! PROACTIVE!!! that's all i hear at school. all from a good place i guess. i wish there were more hours in this day so that i could just hear them say 'BE PROACTIVE' a trillion, google or maybe even another infinite amount of times. of course that was sarcasm, but yet again from a good place. see, i experience a disconnect in my scholarly duties, not from my teachers because i get along with each of them. with myself. i dont know where it comes from really. in school im like a sponge soaking up all the smarticles i can, then i make it home and the pressures of school dont register in my brain the amount of effort i need to do my homework or  finish classwork or do anything outside of lounge. and if anyone i know is reading this, please [pretty please with a cherry on top]spare me the lecture, speech or talk about whats at stake because i very well know that [else i wouldn't be writing about it]. what i need is advice on how to force myself into doing what im supposed to do. and i know it should be a given but i have been this way since elementary school. i can still remember me as a little girl, about 3 maybe, and i was so excited to go to Kingsley House. i excelled above and beyond way before Your Baby Can Read even existed, taught my class about one of my favorite animals, the komodo dragon. i used to be exited about homework and even Friday homework i would get. straight a student til 3rd grade...got my first b. then i guess i only pushed to the bare minimum after that, scoring higher in classes i like but getting mediocre grades in others. i dont know why i did but i guess i just wanted to get by. i wish it didnt happen because i couldve passed with flying colors if i just worked as hard as i soaked but it brings us back to this disconnect...