disCONNECTion

be proactive. Be proactive. BE PROactive! PROACTIVE!!! that's all i hear at school. all from a good place i guess. i wish there were more hours in this day so that i could just hear them say 'BE PROACTIVE' a trillion, google or maybe even another infinite amount of times. of course that was sarcasm, but yet again from a good place. see, i experience a disconnect in my scholarly duties, not from my teachers because i get along with each of them. with myself. i dont know where it comes from really. in school im like a sponge soaking up all the smarticles i can, then i make it home and the pressures of school dont register in my brain the amount of effort i need to do my homework or  finish classwork or do anything outside of lounge. and if anyone i know is reading this, please [pretty please with a cherry on top]spare me the lecture, speech or talk about whats at stake because i very well know that [else i wouldn't be writing about it]. what i need is advice on how to force myself into doing what im supposed to do. and i know it should be a given but i have been this way since elementary school. i can still remember me as a little girl, about 3 maybe, and i was so excited to go to Kingsley House. i excelled above and beyond way before Your Baby Can Read even existed, taught my class about one of my favorite animals, the komodo dragon. i used to be exited about homework and even Friday homework i would get. straight a student til 3rd grade...got my first b. then i guess i only pushed to the bare minimum after that, scoring higher in classes i like but getting mediocre grades in others. i dont know why i did but i guess i just wanted to get by. i wish it didnt happen because i couldve passed with flying colors if i just worked as hard as i soaked but it brings us back to this disconnect...